Technology exists to make our lives easier. Or so they claim, though I'm not always convinced.
D. K. Wall:For example, all of my stories, including this one, are first conjured from my brain to a pad of paper via a Blackwing pencil.
D. K. Wall:Yes, a particular brand of pencil because many moons ago when I was still a child, I discovered Stephen King, John Steinbeck, and Truman Capote preferred it. Silly, I know, but such are the superstitions of writers.
D. K. Wall:At some point, though, those scribbles need to be transcribed into text from my computer so that you may have the pleasure of devouring it via the Internet.
D. K. Wall:Many software tools make grand promises about their accuracy in converting my chicken scratch into bits and bites. But most fail dramatically.
D. K. Wall:So I am a cynic about technology, I'll grant. But surely it can help with something as simple as updating our records after a move.
D. K. Wall:Yes, I'm discussing our move again this week. Until I can go from sunup to sundown without a mad search for some critical item that I am absolutely positive I unpacked into a certain cupboard that is now bare, it remains on my mind.
D. K. Wall:But this isn't about a physical object. It's something much simpler, changing our mailing address.
D. K. Wall:In the olden days, this painstaking process required numerous phone calls and even letters.
D. K. Wall:Letters, for those of you too young to understand, involved an archaic device known as a typewriter that required the user to slide a single sheet of paper into its clutches and type the message.
D. K. Wall:Writing one was less like firing off a text message and more like hosting Thanksgiving dinner, hours of setup for a few minutes of payoff.
D. K. Wall:If you mistyped a letter, the backspace key didn't simply remove it. Instead, you had to use correcting fluid to paint over the offending character, let it dry, and then retype. Try that on a computer screen and you'll have some explaining to do.
D. K. Wall:Once completed with no visible errors and only a few blotches of said fluid, the paper was folded and slid into something known as an envelope, which looks something like that weird little prehistoric symbol on your email program.
D. K. Wall:The recipient's address was typed onto the envelope using three or four lines of crucial data, not bob at company.com.
D. K. Wall:Finally, a stamp had to be affixed to the envelope, which is how you paid to send the letter. That's right. We paid for the privilege of sending communications, not firing them off like email without the slightest thought of the cost.
D. K. Wall:Even then, you were not quite done. You had to mail the envelope. That required taking it to a mailbox where a human would pick up everything in that box once a day.
D. K. Wall:Then the letter would physically move to the intended recipient. A process that could take days or even a week or longer.
D. K. Wall:See how much easier technology has made our lives? Now, all you have to do is log into the company's website and update your address. Assuming, of course, that it works. In my case, it did not.
D. K. Wall:You see, we built this house. The address was assigned long ago, literally years, by the county governmental agency tasked with such an assignment.
D. K. Wall:Unfortunately, not everyone knows about that new address. For example, the United States Post Office.
D. K. Wall:That's right. The governmental entity tasked with delivering mail to every address in the country doesn't know about the address assigned by the county department until they are told.
D. K. Wall:You may be shocked to discover, in this age of governmental efficiency, that that is not an instant process.
D. K. Wall:We have a mailbox. We even have a terrific carrier who has spotted the mailbox and delivers what little mail we have. She's a rebel and we love her for it.
D. K. Wall:But when I went into the Postal Service's website to forward all of my mail from my old address to the new address, a bright red message screamed that I was using an invalid address. Try again.
D. K. Wall:Silly me thought that a simple conversation would resolve this little glitch, so I traipsed off to my local post office, which happens to be the office for my old address as well as my new address because we only moved a couple of miles.
D. K. Wall:I brought with me all the paperwork from the county department showing the assigned address. I thought I could get someone there to simply enter the new address into the system. Stop laughing. I really did think that.
D. K. Wall:Instead, I received a blank stare from the clerk who seemed to think I was talking about delivery services on Mars.
D. K. Wall:With a doubtful look, she disappeared into the bowels of the building to find a manager. Apparently, his office was far, far away because it took a while to fetch him. Or maybe they were just hoping I would give up and leave.
D. K. Wall:When he finally appeared, I explained to my situation. Instead of understanding, he looked confused like no one had ever had such a problem.
D. K. Wall:I could have pointed out that an online search revealed dozens and dozens of people discussing ways to solve this problem. Or that in a rapidly growing county with hundreds of new structures a year, it seemed a bit weird that they thought I was alone in my quest.
D. K. Wall:I have found though that such discussions serve no purpose. As the old saying goes, it's easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar. So I kept my smile and asked if he might know of someone who could help.
D. K. Wall:So they gave me the name and phone number of a person higher up the chain and who wasn't in the building. I called, I left a message, and I can only guess that he is so overwhelmed with changing addresses that he hadn't had a chance yet to call me back.
D. K. Wall:So what, you may say. As long as you're getting your mail, what's the big deal? My old mailbox is only a few miles away and easy enough to check every day or so for mail delivered to it. A hassle for sure, but sooner or later, the systems will catch up.
D. K. Wall:The problem is that it's not simply about my mail. And importantly, I don't want to violate the law or get a lecture from one of our many friendly highway patrolmen.
D. K. Wall:According to North Carolina statutes, I have sixty days to update my driver's license and vehicle registrations. Since those are two different departments, each notorious for long lines and slow service,
D. K. Wall:I'm happy to report that I can make those changes online. Theoretically. I entered the DMV website, typed in my driver's license number, memorized because I've had the same number for nearly a half century, and confirmed my old address.
D. K. Wall:Then in the blank boxes, I typed my new address. I immediately received a bright red message. The address entered could not be verified.
D. K. Wall:Of course not. Why? Because they verify with the United States Post Office, which is waiting on the information from a county office.
D. K. Wall:When I hit enter again, because why shouldn't the system have updated in the five seconds since my last attempt, The system replied that if I believe the address to be correct, I needed to make an appointment with my friendly DMV office.
D. K. Wall:A helpful automated attendant offered to help me schedule an appointment. I held my breath and clicked.
D. K. Wall:The immediate reply was that my county's DMV office had no available appointments. None. Not this week. Not next week. Not next month. Or anytime in the foreseeable future. I'd love to tell you this was a joke, but 'tis true.
D. K. Wall:As an alternative, the attendant listed appointments available in other counties. The number would best be described as a smattering of appointments and only an hour or two drive away.
D. K. Wall:The other alternative it offered for us to go without an appointment. They, of course, said they can't promise they'll see me, but they'll try. Then they helpfully warned me that I need to do this soon or I would be in violation of the law.
D. K. Wall:I should mention that's only for my driver's license. A different office altogether handles vehicle registration.
D. K. Wall:So much for government. Let's move on to private enterprise. Updating credit cards and my bank. I had some success, but not overwhelming. Let's say I had a batting average that would not impress baseball scouts.
D. K. Wall:So I moved to the easy one. Utilities. They're the very people who've been to the house to connect the services. Surely they would make updating easy.
D. K. Wall:Somewhat better success, but in a weird way. Enbridge Natural Gas. Just as an example, the account for the new house recognizes the address. That makes sense. But I can't update the account for the old house because it says the address is invalid.
D. K. Wall:It's like Schrodinger's Address. The truthfulness of it is subject to your perspective.
D. K. Wall:So I surrender. We'll live in limbo for another week or two. Official residence of a house that either exists or is nothing but a rumor.
D. K. Wall:And if I still can't change the records in a couple of weeks, maybe I'll go back to a typewriter and a stamp. Of course, I have to figure out where I put them.